Does Throwing Tantrums Mean You're Being Irrational?
Do you lose your temper frequently? Do you regret venting your anger after getting upset? Do you blame yourself for not controlling your temper? Have you ever suppressed your anger and pretended to be a calm person in front of others? We often see temper tantrums as negative behaviors, something we do when we lose control of our own emotions. We tell ourselves to be “rational” all the time and avoid letting anger take over. Yet, is throwing tantrums really a bad thing?
Sometimes There Is a Reason for Temper Tantrums
In fact, temper tantrums reflect our physical and emotional needs. When we were babies, we cried to tell our parents what we needed. As adults, we also get irritated easily when we feel thirsty, hungry or anxious. Our bodies are reminding us that we’re uncomfortable. Being angry and throwing tantrums are only ways to express our feelings, urging ourselves and people around us to help relieve our discomfort. However, if we suppress our anger and ignore our emotions, it will become more difficult for us to tell others what we truly need, which causes ourselves to feel worse. In fact, anger is an opportunity for us to express our emotions, and throwing tantrums doesn’t mean being irrational.
Pause and Think! 3 Steps to Control Your Anger
Of course, we can’t just throw a tantrum like a baby every time we get upset, as our anger affects how others feel as well. Instead, we should always try to pause and think. Find out the reason why we get angry and look for a healthy way to express our feelings. Here are 3 steps to help you let go of anger:
1）Take deep breaths for 90 seconds
Find a quiet corner and slowly take deep breaths for 90 seconds. As you do so, imagine breathing your anger out of the body. If someone is there with you when you get upset, simply ask for some space and walk away for a while.
2）Anger is a mirror
Anger is a mirror that reflects your deepest thoughts. Did this person say or do anything that makes you angry? How do you want them to treat you so that you don’t get angry next time? Through the “I wish they…” exercise, you will understand more about the cause of your anger and how you can avoid it in the future.
3）Find effective outlets for your anger
After understanding what you want, talk to the person who angers you calmly. For example, “I wish you could ask for my permission before taking my stuff”, or “I enjoy spending time with my friends and I’d like to go home a bit later”. Give people a chance to understand your needs and avoid angering you next time.
Negative emotions are part of our lives. The sooner we figure out the cause of our anger and understand our emotions better, the easier it will be for us to express ourselves in an effective way. Let us embrace our anger and turn it into motivation!
