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How Does Self-Hatred Develop?

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We’ve all experienced times when feelings of self-hatred arise. How does self-hatred develop? Psychologist Robert Firestone discovered that this thought comes from the way we were treated in the past. For example, if you were in a relationship with someone who put you down, the experience could give you the thought that you don’t deserve love and lead to the development of self-hatred. “I hate myself, so it’s normal for other people to hate me too.” Do understand that we only develop self-hatred to protect ourselves, hoping that no one will hurt us again.

A Vicious Cycle of Self-Hatred

However, when feelings of self-hatred keep eating on you, you will begin to feel like you don’t belong or deserve to be in this world, and will never be able to move forward. Below are some obvious signs that you might be living in self-hatred, beyond having occasional negative self-talk: 

1. All-or-nothing thinking
When you make a mistake, even a small one, you feel like everything is ruined! 

2. Focus on the negative
Even though you’ve had a good day, you tend to feel down and focus on what went wrong.

3. Low self-esteem
You tend to compare yourself to others in daily life and think that you don’t measure up to them. 

4. Seeking approval
You’re constantly seeking approval from others to validate your self-worth, and your opinion of yourself changes depending on what they think of you. 

5. Can’t accept compliments
If someone says something good about you, you think that they’re just being nice. You tend to brush them off instead of accepting them. 

We know that we want to get over the feelings of self-hatred, and we know that we should love ourselves. Yet, when we fail to break free from the dilemma, we will start hating “the fact that we hate ourselves”. In fact, forcing ourselves to turn “self-hatred” into “self-love” will only cause a backfire. Don’t rush to change the situation. Instead, understand that it’s okay to hate yourself right now, and try other ways to overcome self-hatred. 

1. Try journaling
Keep a journal to reflect on your day and examine situations that may have triggered certain emotions. Try to look for the root causes of self-hatred. 

2. Talk to your inner critic
As you start to be more aware of your emotions, try to identify the thoughts you have when facing negative events, and ask yourself whether those thoughts are realistic.

3. Spend time with positive people
Being with people who make you feel bad will only make it worse. Start by hanging out with those who make you feel good to deal with negative thoughts. 

4. Seek help
Talk to us at Levelmind@jC about your feelings and overcome your past experience with us. 

Self-hatred may not go away immediately, but as long as you’re willing to get over those feelings step by step, you will be able to break the cycle eventually.

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