Understanding Anger

Anger is one of the most powerful emotions. Like fear, anger triggers our body’s fight-or-flight response. When we feel threatened, we tend to become angry and may show the following signs: 

Facial expressions: furrowed brows or intense eye contact
Body language: expressing our stance with hand gestures or turning away 
Tone of voice: verbal aggression or increased voice volume 
Physical signs: sweating and flushing 
Physical violence: throwing things, hitting and kicking

After venting anger through the above ways, we will eventually find ourselves calmer and the sense of anger will slowly disappear. 

When Anger Gets Out of Control

Some anger can make us more courageous and motivated to act and look for solutions to our problems. However, when anger gets out of hand, we may do something reckless and hurt the people we love. As we slowly calm down, we will regret what we did and feel guilty about it. “Why are you angry? Why can’t you control your emotions? But I’m really angry…” We will keep blaming ourselves in our minds, leading to emotional distress.  

Being Kind Does Not Mean Suppressing Your Emotions

When we try to stand in people’s shoes, our feelings of anger may be relieved a little. Yet, “I understand them” doesn’t mean “I shouldn’t be angry”. Denying or even suppressing our feelings only makes negative emotions stronger. It’s okay to feel hurt and angry. We don’t need to pretend like we don’t feel anything. In fact, ignoring our anger may even increase and intensify negative emotions. Only by determining the causes and degree of anger and allowing ourselves to express our feelings through harmless ways can we truly release all emotions and turn rage into energy.  

While being considerate, we also need to acknowledge our own feelings, allowing people who irritate us to understand our boundaries and needs, so that we can respect one another and make necessary compromises. Remember, it’s okay to be angry!